Single Again? 7 Tips for Getting Back in the Game
Last week I went on a first date for the first time since last April. Although eight months may not be as long as several years, to me, it felt like I hadn’t been on a date in an eternity. I was nervous and worried about how to act, what to say (and not say), and what to wear. As I was standing in my closet, the clock ticking down until I had to meet Curtis C. from The League at a local bar at 8 pm, I realised that getting back in to the dating game is hard! Putting yourself out there could result in love or it could result in rejection. It takes some effort, but if the outcome is an awesome and interesting person to share your life with, it’s worth the risk of being spurned, right? So what are you waiting for? It’s a new year and the time is prime for the dating game. Here’s how to get back in there and come out winning.
You won’t be able to start a relationship with someone new if you’re still hung up on the venture capitalist who refused to make time for you. Take the necessary steps to get over your ex. Grieve if you have to. Go on a dating detox. Leave your past in the past. Make peace with it. You’ll be able to look toward your future–and hopefully a better relationship—with a more positive attitude. If you find yourself dwelling on your ex, stop your train of thought and remember the good times you had when you were single. You could do whatever you wanted with who ever you wanted!
Confidence is attractive. Do what you need to do to get your mojo back. There is a saying: “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new,” and if that applies to your lifestyle, get out there and have a fun hookup. If random hookups aren’t your style, do something that’s more your speed. Flirt with the cute barista, leave your number on a napkin for the handsome chef who personally stopped by your table, or initiate contact with the tall drink of water you’re lusting over on Hinge. When you’ve got your mojo back, you will feel excited and hopeful by the thought of going out with someone new—and that feeling is important to dating successfully.
You won’t feel confidant if you feel ugly. Take the time to beautify yourself and your surroundings. Get a new haircut. Buy a new nail polish color. Make an appointment with your esthetician. Get a membership at the kickboxing studio down the street from your apartment. You want to feel sexy and ready to take on any new prospects, so refresh your look. Invest in a new dress to wear on dates or splurge on a set of quality sheets. Drop those kilos you’ve been wanting to lose! If you plan on experimenting with online dating, ask a friend who has a great camera to take some photos of you. Pick the best ones and set up the perfect online dating profile.
Dating is tough, especially when you inevitably run across a few frogs before finding a prince. You’ll need a good support group in place. As Carrie Bradshaw said, “no matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends." Rally your gal pals together. Tell your favorite ladies that you’re making it a point to get back into dating and ask them if they will help you do so. Get dressed up and go out on the town for a night of man-hunting with your single girlfriends. Set up regular get togethers with your married friends where you give them the 411 on your dating life. Let your A-team know if you’re interested in being set up on a blind date, then trust them when they want you to meet someone.
Ready to find the love of your life? Put yourself out there. Go exploring! Try something new. You’re never going to meet a thrilling new person going to the same old places, doing the same old things. Get out of your comfort zone. Sign up for a sports team, volunteer at a new place, or try a new restaurant. Apply the same mentality to online dating. If you aren’t into Tinder, try a different app. These days, there are tons of apps and websites that are helping people find the one. Research them and experiment with the sites that feel right for your personality and lifestyle.
When you go on first dates, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Be yourself. If you hate smoking and he asks if it’s okay if he goes and has a cigarette, tell him that you’re not into it. Embrace who you are. Own it. Don’t be tempted to morph into a potential new partner’s perfect woman. There are millions of fish in the sea. If your Tinder date is shorter than his profile listed and you can’t imagine a life in flats, move on to the next guy. Be true to yourself and your beliefs.
Remember: not every person you date is the one or even worthy of your love. True love takes time to develop, so if you run into a few bad seeds, stay positive. Yes, you will go on some bad dates, but that doesn’t mean you’re never going to find love. Besides, bad dates are good stories! Keep on believing that that special someone exists—because he or she does. Eventually, you will find the one.
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Are you recently back in the dating game? What is your advice for getting back into it?