This Is What Couples With the Best Sex Lives Do (That the Rest Don't)

Kelsey Clark
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Devote

Despite all the sage sex advice offered in the pages of Kama Sutra books and Cosmopolitan magazine, it's normal for passion between the sheets to fade when in a long-term relationship. But a new study from the University of Toronto may have found a solution to this common problem of fading intimacy: the simple belief that a great sex life takes hard work and effort, as opposed to believing that sexual satisfaction comes naturally for true soul mates. 

"We know that in long-term relationships sex isn't always going to be perfect, and sexual desire often declines," said lead study author Jessica Maxwell of their findings. "The individuals that are best prepared to handle these challenges are those who take a more pragmatic view of sex and are ready to work to make their sex life better."

To arrive at this conclusion, the researchers surveyed 1900 people in hetero and homosexual relationships, asking questions about their relationship beliefs and sex-life satisfaction. From there, they divided the participants into two groups: those with "sexual growth beliefs," or the view that effort can improve sexual satisfaction, and those with "sexual destiny beliefs," or the view that sexual intimacy comes from finding a compatible partner.

In the end, those who believed that a great sex life could be achieved with hard work ultimately had better, more committed sex with their partners. "Your sex life is like a garden, and it needs to be watered and nurtured to maintain it," concludes Maxwell.

For more on this topic, read up on the one thing couples with great sex lives have in common

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